Pain, Fear, Love and Hope

Last Monday my world fell apart.

I was waiting in the hospital for my wife to finish a gastroscopie as she had some (seeminly) smaller issues since the end of December 2025. Due to a local anesthesia she was not allowed to drive back home so ofcourse no issue to be there and drive her back home.

The 5 min scopy took over 35 min and it was not my wife that came to me in the waiting room but a nurse, telling me that my wife really stayed strong but needed me with her. For me - as I wasn’t expecting anything - that sounded at that moment like the local anesthesia was making her dizzy so she could not walk and just needed some support under her arm. The doctor told me to sit down and told us - what he found was bad. It was a malignant tumor in the esophagus and/or stomach, the stage and spread are not known yet due to the scopy doesn’t allow for that. He did take a few biopts which will be sent to the lab. We were guided to a small private room where we could process this first shock. The doctor would come after the shift to explain what he found and what will be next. In the meantime (The blood clinic was already closed) - other nurses were taken our of their shifts to take my wife her blood samples.

After about a hour, the doctor explained what he found and how unusual it is to find this in a women below 40 years. He was visiable uncomfortable and draw uncomfortable parallel between how he didn’t expect to find this to how my wife did not look like the name she has (Dutch name, but Asian origin).
They could only say it is bad, but doing any guesses beyond that would not help. We need to get the complete data first. The biopt results, combined with bloodwork and a PED-CT should give the data we need for what steps we need to take and what we can expect in terms of outcomes.

Our timeline now is: this friday ped-ct, monday 4th discussing findings and the plan. In the meantime it is for us to bear the uncertency. Our two daughters will be informed on / after the 4th of may when we have the full picture, which will be a nightmare both for them aswell as for us to tell to them.

While my wife turns 40 this September, we are together for 20 years now. Our two kids are close to going to high school. So regardless of the findings, we will fight for every sparkle of hope and every inch there is. I know I will be able to turn that switch and just do whatever there needs to be done - when it gets tougher but right now I am just heartbroken. Switching on the mask and have fun with the kids and setting up a support network with family and friends when the kids are not around. But, whatever comes our way, we will face. We have no choice. I just hope she will overcome this - whatever it takes.