Trick Or MEAT
Hey, can I ask a favour?
The Good Lady popped her head in the Kitchen where I was pounding the shit out of a lump of dough like a frustrated fifties housewife.
Of course my sweet, you can ask me anything, you know that!
I grinned whilst hauling the dough apart in a paddling motion as if I were swimming into an underwater cave guarded by an obese ladies vagina flaps.
Cool.
The Good Lady slipped in the door and shuffled her feet.
You know it's Halloween this coming weekend?
She sounded oddly hesitant. Perhaps seeing my bread kneading in action was making her cervix ache with wanton lust.
Course I know it is Halloween. Like, duh?!
I slapped my baton of dough on the counter and gave it a cheeky rub.
Would you... Would you mind if I took the kids trick or treating with Hakeem from down the road on Halloween? It would mean you could sit in and chill that night instead of trailing around all the doors.
The Good Lady flinched as if trying to prise the meat from a small lobster.
Who the fuck is Hakeem?
My spectacular kneading which could put a cat making a bed to shame slowed down to a stop.
Oh God, you know Hakeem! He is the one who's wife... you know?
The Good Lady pumped her arms back and forth as if skiing and waggled her eyebrows up and down.
What? She wanked off two men? Fuck sake, that's hardly a crime?
I slapped my dough in a bowl and turned to give her my full attention.
No, you idiot. She was the one who left him for that guy in her work? Remember? Left him and his daughter Ophum and ran off?
The Good Lady puffed her chest out with wifely outrage and narrowed her eyes disapprovingly as if she could see Hakeem's wife far off in the distance cavorting with random men.
So his wife leaves him and now I am expected to just offer up mine for a bit of bum-funtling? Ha, not fucking likely. Tell him to fucking beat it.
I sniffed the sniff of a man who says no to wife-swapping. Particularly when the other party doesn't even have a wife to swap. I mean that would have been a different kettle of fish, after all, Hakeem's wife had looked like the naughty-Nelly-shaving type.
The Little Lady and Ophum are such good friends. They will have a blast. Come on. Stop being an arse.
Me, an arse?! You are blowing me off for a hot date with another man on Halloween and I am being an arse!?
Ooft, It's not a hot date! The kids are going trick or treating. You always moan and complain that you hate it. I thought I was doing you a favour!
A favour? Going out trick or treating with another man? Coming home all matted with smeddum?!?!
which means jizz... You know, Manfat? Baby-batter? Hot fish yoghurt?
I shoved my bowl of dough contemptuously to the side as I faced up to the Good Lady who was even now looking as if she was going to assault me with something kitchen'y.
Oh yes, that's really what is going to happen, me up against a tree getting a humping dog fuck from Hakeem whilst the kids wander the streets. Oh yes, that is so likely.
The Good Lady huffed like a loose-lidded old kettle reluctantly coming to the boil.
My face twisted with disgust.
A humping dog fuck..? A humping dog fuck?? Oh, my poor ears? That's so crude, oh god, woman. You are a filthy mare?? Such crudeness! Go, take your filthy ways out of my good clean kitchen. Go and dog fuck your new man. See if I care. I will probably just watch Squid Game or something. Go, leave me to my empty shallow NetFlix watching existence.
I waved her away.
Oh you are a prick. I do love you though. Maybe I won't hump Hakeem.
She laughed.
I snorted, unable to keep a straight face.
Aye, maybe I won't kill him to death either.
I laughed and then stopped.
Better not make any rash promises.
Wait, forget my advice about leaf springs from that last post. If you're gonna do a murder, definitely rely on the classics. A length of pipe, for example. Blunt trauma and bone-shattering blows.
A length of pipe would fit well with my Cluedo inspired murdering style. Now I just need to lure him to a drawing room! :OD
!PIZZA
It was done by the Boom in the drawing room with the lead pipe.
No one will guess that combo! Just don't be obvious and off him in the conservatory.
I hear ya, too many windows. Conservatories have been a thorn in the side for us murderers for too long!
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The story was so interesting and never boring till the end . i don't know kneading dough would be so touchy to my heart. Halloween lady always scary everywhere in the world.
Kneading dough can be a treacherous affair. Always approach with caution I say!
More things like underage smoking prevention for example could use obese ladies protecting flaps.
It would certainly get those reedy armed young uns a bit fitter and stronger!
!PIZZA
I just deleted a softback book held by the spine and shaken rigorously metaphor for flaps.
That is a fine metaphor! Might not be viscous enough but its a fine one! :OD
Oh ho! Did you call the Good Lady crude?? 😂 that's like calling the kettle black 😂. I'll wager she can give as good as she takes
I did indeed! She loved it as she knows I am the foulest creature in the house! LOL! :OD
Lmao. A humping dog fuck really paints a picture. 🤣
Hakeem on Halloween doesn't sound like a good idea at all.
Haha, the image has a certain vibrancy!
I dunno, if it gives me time for Netflix instead of tromping around the neighbourhood in the dark and cold I am all for it! :OD
!PIZZA
Well Squid Game was quite good. I think we marathoned it over a weekend lol
It's too violent for my Missus, I am having to sneak in bits here and there instead of the usual binge watch over a couple of days thing. Ido like it though!
It's definitely violent and not for everyone. But its great if you're into it. There was only one episode that I found super cheesy. The English speaking actors were pretty terrible, D list actors for sure. Maybe that was the point though? Other than that - quite good.
I have just been introduced to them and yes, I think wooden is understating how bad they seem!!!
I would watch Squid Game rather than bothering with the Good Lady :D
It seems like a good option to me!
seems quite interesting... thankyou for suggesting such squad game story.
You are welcome, it is a fun show!
I really want a slice of that bread! Any dough that took a beating such as that had to be magnificent!
It is a fine looking thing! I love giving the dough what for as it really makes that difference! Its a big brown bomb of a thing!
Big Brown Bomb Bread sounds both delightful and terrifying depending on the context in which it is served.🤣
On another note, Baking With MeesterB is totally a show I would watch!
I know, it sounds as if it could be a right horror of a thing. Tis a lovely White and Rye combo but with a good pounding it comes out of the oven a beautiful cracked dark brown. I think it is my favourite of the mo!
I used to love doing a food post! Might do one sometime!
Oh please do! I remember such things from the days of old. Nothing beats a Boom beer and/or cooking post. Okay, they are all awesome, but I especially love all things comestible related!
Hope to see a great behemoth of crust cracking beauty post someday soon!
Comestibles are where its at, tis only a bummer that we are entering the era of perpetual dark and all photos will be yellow stained with indoor lighting as if they were taken in Victorian times!
Oh God! What I got from this post is a whole lot of vocabulary and slangs. Out of which I could digest only half. Lol. So many new words, slangs and idioms in one piece of writing are not easy to digest.
Ha, I went back and forth to dictionary 😂
Greetings, anyway
Greetings!
HAhahaha!! Oh yes, it is chock full of slang! I believe in exercising the reader... ;O)
That was too much the exercise for me 😂
Haha, I can understand that! :O)
Sounds like Halloween is off to a good start.
Halloween aint all pumpkins and cobwebs in this house! :OD
!PIZZA
I presume there is also beer involved.
!BEER
You simply have to have !BEER with that.
Although, watch out. I will be liable to get my gun out and start shooting into the air! See hose casings fly!
I will summon @otherbrandt to pick them up for you.
He is a good man that otherbrandt!!
Ohhh! Bread? What kind? Did you do a video of it? You know we want to see you hauling the dough apart in a paddling motion as if you were swimming into an underwater cave being guarded... Having been sheltered most of my life, I have to wonder what that looks like, so I am depending on you for video.
On another note, Hakeem sounds pretty harmless, especially if his own woman ran away from home.
Enjoy your time off! You and the Little Lady will be the ones having fun.
Bread? I forgot you were a cook!
I love bread!! It was a white and rye, magic tasting beast!!
I don't know if I could video the fevered imaginings of the scenarios that play out in my head!! :0D
OMG! That is so stinking cute! I agree with the video-ing! Your sidebar is much funnier than real life could ever be!
That looks awesome! You will have to hammer out that recipe for us!
Ach its just a typical bread one with a bit more flour and vim!! :OD
Well, that sounds doable! Thanks. :)
Hehe, my go to bread is such a plain jane, I think I would be embarassed to write it down!
Don't fret, boss! :)It was just curiosity. I bake bread all the time and I have some pretty plain jane recipes, but, honestly, they are awesome and the kids love them best!
The kids do, we are probably spoiling them for the future. My kids look at shop bought bread as if it is something that they have stood in! Lol
I never had store-bought bread until I went to college! :P Stop spoiling them! I wouldn't eat it for three years! My mother mailed me bread across the country! :)
I got shamed into eating it by my roommates! :) Now, I am doing the same for my own!!!! Tomorrow, I am going to the store and buying some of it!
Eeeww, I wouldn't. It's squishy and soft and everything it shouldn't be!! I grew up on it. Didn't try baking till I was in my twenties and even then it took a while before I got any good. I am so glad I stuck at it!!
Ewwww! I mail it to my son in school. He thinks the other stuff is vile. OMG. What have we done? It isn't even made with real ingredients. I cannot even pronounce some of them.
My kids had friends over to watch a movie a few years ago and I popped popcorn on the stove in a big pot with kernels and a little oil. They had never had any except what came out of a microwave! Poor deprived children!
You will never go back. Not when you have it down pat. We don't buy pizza either. We make our own as the crusts turn out better and I don't charge for extra cheese and ten more pepperonis or pineapples. Thick or thin - but, I do like it in the cast iron pans! Cooking for ourselves makes us so spoiled for sure!
They are very lucky for you to be mailing it out to them!
We mostly make our own pizza too. And the popcorn.... Oooh, I remember both our kids faces when they saw the pot lid being taken off from the pot the very first time. They were amazed!!
Cast iron pans for the pizza tho, Iwill have to check it out as I am always looking for ways for it to be crispier!
Baby batter lool. Now this is definetely one way to call it🤣🤣🤣
The batter of life! :OD
Fast forward a month and a half ....
Hey, are you ready to go to my parents for Christmas dinner?
The Good Lady popped her head in the Kitchen where I was enjoying the shit out of a three finger high dram of whiskey.
Sorry, sweet cheeks, I promised my good friend Hakeem that I'd attend his Christmas feast. He's been a little down since his wife left, so I thought my company would make him feel better over this difficult time. I was going to bring the little lady with me ... but Ophum is heading to her mothers for the week, so it'll just be Hakeem and I enjoying the peace and quiet. Say hi to your folks for me.
Haha!!! Love the turnaround. Or wait, is that indeed the future and you have figured me a glimpse. Me and Hakeem are gonna get on like a house on fire!!
You will know soon enough. ;-)
Lol. There is an air of menace on that sentence. It is the time of year for it!!
Well, you know what they say...
A gentleman never tells.
Lol. They do indeed. My finest line!
:0D
Man your word-to-earnings ratio has been consistently of the highest on Hive. Cheers. Speaking of cheers, bring back your beer review videos.
Cheers!
I bought a beer post back a couple of months ago but it didn't seem that there was much interest. I sobbed and decided it might just be best to drink the beer instead of fannying about :0)
I have not watched Squid Games, but I heard that nowadays this is one of the most famous series on Netflix. Even North Korea is commented something about it. Or at least this is what I have read in the news, if we can even believe in it. Maybe this is just/only a rumor or a paid advertisement for the Squid Game series. Who knows.
I heard of it solely through the hype. I thought I would give it a try and I was hooked. It passed the time if nothing else!
!PIZZA
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STOPCheck out the last post from @hivebuzz:
Hi @meesterboom , I do not like halloween, but people who like to enjoy it, the good lady goes with the children, no problem, or are you thinking that the good Lady may be attracted to a woman, so to say, I don't think so, she prefers you, a strong man, thoughtful, tall, with a good appearance, cute, even I could be attracted to you ha ha ha ha ha.
A hug
HAha!! They do say that the strangest things happen at Halloween!
It is all above board. I get to watch some TV whilst she trails about the streets with the kids looking for candy, lol!
!BEER
View or trade
BEER.Hey @meesterboom, here is a little bit of
BEERfrom @eii for you. Enjoy it!Do you want to win SOME BEER together with your friends and draw the
BEERKING.Why on earth does his name have to be Hakeem? If.iy were any normal name like Joe or Bob I could slander the hell out of the guy in commiseration, but Hakeem? In this climate? I feel like I have to say "I'm sure he's a very nice gentleman". Harrumph. Stupid old pc culture!
Hahaha, tread lightly!!!
He is actually a very nice person, his daughter and mine get on awfully well. I dread to think what scrapes they will get into as they get older!
Hey man, can I receive a favor from you.
I need hive pls.
So I think there is a problem with the good lady.i prefer to doubt the good lady than Halloween .both are fun, unless I have to pick one from the two.my advice for a better time,is to celebrate Halloween and catch some time of fun too.life is beautiful,so I guess you believe that too
I shall celebrate life and halloween and al that lies between!!
What is the favour?
I have very low hive.please,I need help with hive.can you do me some
I getcha. I have delegated you 50HP you should be ok now.
Yes sir,I really appreciate it.i am still active and focused fan and follower @meesterboom. Thanks so much, brotherly
No worries man. Enjoy your hive'ing!
I dont know dude, that is how it starts. Next thing you know Hakeem will be texting her relentlessly coz he is oh so lonely and then and then and then....
and then she shall be down on her knees polishing his broom handle with her back garglers!!!
My path is set. Its gonna be MURDER! :OD