Had a moment of realization about a drunk idiot friend
She's been my friend for years and I have well, kind of enjoyed her company for the amount of time that I have known her but it was over the weekend that she got in touch with me to tell me that she was going down to the beach and the place she was headed to is one of the places that I actually like going to because it is far enough away from hotels that it isn't completely overrun with tourists.
We all know that it is much easier to just stay at home in the air con, particularly when it is a billions degrees outside like it is now but I like to be a good friend and said I would go and meet her.
It wasn't easy to get to her though and I could sense that something was not right from the start because she wasn't typing messages anymore, she was trying to call me and sending voice clips, which I don't really like. Sorry/not sorry but I am one of those people that feels as though there really isn't very many good reasons to ever call someone these days.
Anyway, it was pretty evident to me when I got the voice clip that she was already drunk and this was surprising to me because it was 2 o'clock in the afternoon.
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I was still going to follow up on my plan to go and meet up with her but this wasn't going to be easy because I couldn't make any sense of the voice messages that she sent to me... neither could the transcribing feature on whatsapp that I believe is powered by AI and is probably better than I am at understanding drunk-ass.
If that looks like a bunch of nonsense trust me, the reality is much worse than that. When the transcribe feature, that is versed in all languages and accents, can't make heads or tails of what you are saying. You are not understandable.
I kind of knew the general area that she was going to and there is a coffeeshop that I like there and used to take Nadi to before dogs were banned there so I figured that the worst case scenario was that I would get there, have a coffee, have a walk on the sand, then go back home.
I was drinking my coffee when the call came in and even though I was sitting less than 50 meters from where she was, she couldn't figure out where I was. I could see her, I told her to turn around, was waving my arms, and she still couldn't see me.
I could tell even from that distance that she was sloppy drunk.
If you don't get drunk all the time let me tell you what sloppy drunk means.
- you are loud
- you laugh, or more like cackle, at your own unfunny jokes
- you are aggressive and tend to interrupt others
- you think you are being suave or charming or funny but you are really just annoying
- people tend to avoid you
- you are seriously sensitive while also being quite mean to others
She was all of these things but I am no punk so I went down there to talk to her anyway. It wasn't much of a talk because she was indecipherable for the most part. I had to ask her to repeat herself over and over again and then she started to get frustrated and accuse me of having bad hearing. That's another aspect of being "sloppy drunk." you get emotional and insulted rather easily even though it is you that is being insulting.
I also noticed that she was kind of harassing this younger couple that was nearby and I could tell that she thought she was being smooth (she wasn't) and I could also tell that they really just wanted her to leave them alone. They would end up moving to some other chairs before I left as well.
Take a hint lady, why don't ya?
This is a beach city and she was on the beach wearing a bikini. This is something else that was well, kind of gross. The years of alcohol abuse have taken its toll on her and her skinny fat belly which probably hasn't seen a situp in a decade just looked disgusting. She was completely shameless about it though.
I didn't bother to bring up any of this at the time though because I knew that it would just spiral out of control and she would get loud and abusive.
I didn't last for very long. I made up an excuse that was a lie about meeting some other people somewhere else and how I was already a few minutes later and needed to get going. I had no plans.. I just didn't want to be there anymore. It was embarrassing to be near this obnoxious woman who was about to fall out of her ill-fitting swimwear at any moment. There was absolutely nothing attractive about it either. This lady is in her 40's and behaves like she is a 22 year old on Spring Break.
I would later pop her a message saying "how are you so smashed at 2 in the afternoon?"
I'm no saint when it comes to alcohol but I am never like this. I can sense when I am losing the ability to speak and if I ever catch myself being loud even by accident I take stock of the situation and normally will leave.
I had noticed that this woman doesn't really have a lot of friends anymore and I don't think she is very happy either. I just don't know if anyone can do anything for her because the booze has completely taken control of her... I think this is true of anyone that manages to be that smashed just after noon time.
I think I will approach her about this some weekday when she is sober but I am sure it will be met with defensiveness. She will probably try to accuse me of being a drunk as well or judging her or whatever.
What do you think? Should i just leave it alone? Should I say "you get too drunk for me to want to hang out with you," should I intervene.
Like I said, I am no stranger to booze. I am a borderline alcoholic myself but this woman, she is well over the border already. I'm just amazed that she hasn't managed to destroy her worklife, she must just stay at home during the week and never go and do anything. At the moment she has one of the best and high-paying jobs in Da Nang but if her bosses were to ever see her like this, especially on a work night, I think that could quickly change.
Some people just shouldn't drink. once you are no longer fun "on the sauce" perhaps it is time to put the sauce down.
I would be totally honest with her. Alcohol is a demon but the older we get the more we know our limitations I think. In my younger days I have been completely ratarsed like that but it has been years. I would tell her just what she was like and that she needs to cut it out or get help, but that you cannot and will not be around in that state.
I think when you are younger this sort of behavior can be tolerated because you don't have a lot of responsiblity and other people are probably behaving exactly the same. We have a lot of things to do when we are older and I think people take the perception of others, or perhaps embarrassment, a lot more seriously.
I feel as though I keep my boozing in check. Maybe it is because I get tired so easy :)
I will have a chat with her later this week.
Italians have a good saying for these type of people. They say "meglio perdere che trovare" and it means "better to lose than to find" and it's true.
I would definitely not want people like her in my company. These people are not friends. Tell her you don't feel comfortable with her drunk behavior and avoid her. Yes, drama is going to follow, but it's a small price to pay for your future well being. If she doesn't listen, there's not much to do.
I'm a bit confused about the "better to lose than to find" thing. I"m interested in that.
I think the reason why she doesn't have a lot of friends is probably for the same reason I am talking about it now... they all just already walked away.
The saying refers to people or relative you don't like. They say it's better to lose them, than to find them :)
Who can blame them?
Alcohol tend to make a lot of people look and behave stupid. just that most of them do not recognize it. No one is say do not drink but once the person is getting drunk, then it is a big deal and lack of self respect and self control and majorly indiscipline.
Ouch, that is rough. I think I have only been that bad maybe once in my life, but I can guarantee I wasn't wearing a bikini. I know what you mean about people calling. I hate it when I text and they call me back. I think if I wanted to physically talk to you I would have called not texted. I can't really tell you what to do with her. Likely if you are honest it isn't going to land well. She needs to find herself at rock bottom and either keep going down or pick herself back up. I guess though if you don't say anything and something happens to her, would you feel bad? Maybe let that guide you.
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I will feel bad when something bad happens to her but it isn't going to be something like getting into a car crash or anything like that. At least she is very responsible as far as that is concerned and never drives when drinking. I guess there is still some sensibility in there after all. What does end up happening to her on a regular basis though is drunk injury. She will fall or slip or something and then break a bone and one time she was out of the country for an interview for a really good job, got drunk, slipped on a stairway to a subway, the face-planted and gave herself a couple of wonderful shiners and a broken nose.
No matter how you try to spin this at the interview, this is a bad omen and nobody is going to hire someone that comes in looking like that, no matter how well qualified they are. Another time she broke her ankle dancing at a wedding. When I say "dancing" I mean behaving like an idiot. At that point the wedding sort of became about her and that was just awful. i was there. We were moving to get her out of there because she was ruining other people's special day. As far as I know that married couple no longer speaks to her.
That is the rock bottom that she is going to have to hit. I think she is 75% of the way there already.
You really forgot ta take video on her, that way she can't defend herself and say that you are lying. That's the new way getting evidence. I do not like being with a drunk person either a friend or a family. People when drunk simply forgets good manners. Like my cousin, when she is not drunk. She would never sang in the karaoke but she got drunk the crime started. She would really sing in the karaoke even when is out of tune. Most funny is she would not let other's sing too. To the point she would not let others have the microphone. No matter how professional a man or woman when got drunk they become crazy, loud, silly and do not know what they do when they are out from the spirit of the wine or liquor or beer or Gin.
These are good examples and good ideas. When this same woman is sober, she is normally quiet and reserved but as soon as she gets some booze in her, it is like she is a totally different person. She always seems to try to get drunk as quickly as possible too. While I will be having a beer she is drinking double vodkas at the same speed as my beers, sometimes faster. I always weight close to twice as much as she does. She's half my weight and drinking at twice the speed. This will always end badly for her.
Huh... Don't know what to say or what to advise you, but if a serious, caring talk while she is sober doesn't help, you can't do more than that...
Your story reminded me of my father, who had (and still has) alcohol issues... Your description of "sloppy drunk" is on spot, but in those moments, you can't do too much... Maybe to help her go home and put her to sleep, but this was 2 PM!!
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She has been non responsive to my last message sent to her and I think she is ashamed. I believe this is her tactic when she knows that she drunkenly screwed up again. Hide for a while and hope people forget. Well, I'm not going to forget this time and am going to tell her that I am not going to hang out with her when she is drunk. And this is probably exactly like everyone else has already done.
The best thing is to be honest with her... If alcohol means to her more than a friendship, well, it's not worth your time... 😉
⋆ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ ғᴏʀ sᴏᴜᴛʜᴇᴀsᴛ ᴀsɪᴀɴ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ᴏɴ ʜɪᴠᴇ
⋆ sᴜʙsᴄʀɪʙᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀsᴇᴀɴ ʜɪᴠᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴜɴɪᴛʏ
⋆ ғᴏʟʟᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀsᴇᴀɴ ʜɪᴠᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴜɴɪᴛʏ ᴠᴏᴛɪɴɢ ᴛʀᴀɪʟ
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She's been drinking for years, yet her alcohol tolerance hasn't improved. What's even the point of alcohol then? 😅 Bring handcuffs and make sure she can't leave her house or the hotel. Done. Problem solved.✌🏻
i think she would cut her own arm off before she would allow herself to be trapped. :) Good idea though.
It is fairly common here with the locals as they cannot handle their drink and why so many die on the roads. I am the opposite of you as I prefer to talk on the phone as it is easier and you can get what you need to say out correctly. Maybe it is an age thing because all my friends phone and there is very little texting.